Playing Pool

I feel as though my life

Is a pool of water

And, for the first time

In a long time

I’m floating on my back,

Swimming soft lengths,

Pushing myself when I feel like it.

But, for the first time,

In a long time

Nobody is playing in my pool.

Or if they do,

It’s like when Grandad would get in:

I’d have all the fun in the world,

But knew he’d be sunbathing again

Long before I was ready to stop.

Sometimes I think it’d be easier

To let somebody

Try to drown me again;

To drag me two metres deep until

My ears scream from the pressure.

But it’s my pool–

Why not dive down there myself?